That may sound strange, but a dear friend of mine recently said: "All you have to do is decide."
And so I did.
Yesterday began the beginning of my new beginning.
Vague, yes.
Empowering, YES!
I began by simplifying my life. I packed up and donated at least half my clothes. I am not yet finished with the winnowing down process. Then I will begin on the other possessions I have. Simplify. Simplify. Simplify.
Then, I asked my mom (my mom is a cosmetologist and is really the only person who has done my hair my entire life, other than the occasional student she was teaching) to cut my hair. A LOT. This has greatly reduced the anguish I endure trying to wash and care for it. It was simply to heavy and hard to wash, rinse and then impossible for me to dry and curl. My arms simply cannot work over above my head like that. It's out of the question.
So I have an adorable short hair cut, an uncluttered closet and dresser drawers, an organized workroom, and a feeling of accomplishment. My next step is to create what is needed for Peter Pan, get through this show and then find a job or get on disability. Either of those things. I have no idea what I can actually do for any length of time with my arms, but if there is something, I will find it. If there is nothing I can actually do, I will apply for disability-which my doctor is encouraging me to pursue.
My dear friend also told me to look at obstacles as opportunities. Which has made a profound difference. There has been something rolling around inside my head since I was a little girl and saw a documentary on television. This has never left me. In fact, it has taken hold and grown stronger through the years. I saw that documentary and said: "This is what I'm going to do with my life."
Two months ago another friend of mine spoke in our church about an organization she began, which touches on a bit of this. And the whole thing became crystal clear in my mind. It was as if the Lord spoke directly to me. I knew there was a mission for me in this, I just didn't know what it was.
It's still fairly murky, but each day it becomes a bit clearer. It has nothing to do with theatre, with artistic stuff at all. It is another passion I've had to let settle to a small glowing ember, because I have no family support.
I have suddenly realized, I don't need any.
What I do need is a very large house, a good sized chunk of land, endless patience, perhaps some farm equipment with which to raise a huge garden, plenty of in good condition used furniture, good used appliances, a very large passenger van or even a bus, lots of good condition used clothing in various sizes, and an income of some sort. A fairly substantial one at that.
But if this is to become a reality, God will provide. His will will always be done. We just have to be obedient.
And so I did.
Yesterday began the beginning of my new beginning.
Vague, yes.
Empowering, YES!
I began by simplifying my life. I packed up and donated at least half my clothes. I am not yet finished with the winnowing down process. Then I will begin on the other possessions I have. Simplify. Simplify. Simplify.
Then, I asked my mom (my mom is a cosmetologist and is really the only person who has done my hair my entire life, other than the occasional student she was teaching) to cut my hair. A LOT. This has greatly reduced the anguish I endure trying to wash and care for it. It was simply to heavy and hard to wash, rinse and then impossible for me to dry and curl. My arms simply cannot work over above my head like that. It's out of the question.
So I have an adorable short hair cut, an uncluttered closet and dresser drawers, an organized workroom, and a feeling of accomplishment. My next step is to create what is needed for Peter Pan, get through this show and then find a job or get on disability. Either of those things. I have no idea what I can actually do for any length of time with my arms, but if there is something, I will find it. If there is nothing I can actually do, I will apply for disability-which my doctor is encouraging me to pursue.
My dear friend also told me to look at obstacles as opportunities. Which has made a profound difference. There has been something rolling around inside my head since I was a little girl and saw a documentary on television. This has never left me. In fact, it has taken hold and grown stronger through the years. I saw that documentary and said: "This is what I'm going to do with my life."
Two months ago another friend of mine spoke in our church about an organization she began, which touches on a bit of this. And the whole thing became crystal clear in my mind. It was as if the Lord spoke directly to me. I knew there was a mission for me in this, I just didn't know what it was.
It's still fairly murky, but each day it becomes a bit clearer. It has nothing to do with theatre, with artistic stuff at all. It is another passion I've had to let settle to a small glowing ember, because I have no family support.
I have suddenly realized, I don't need any.
What I do need is a very large house, a good sized chunk of land, endless patience, perhaps some farm equipment with which to raise a huge garden, plenty of in good condition used furniture, good used appliances, a very large passenger van or even a bus, lots of good condition used clothing in various sizes, and an income of some sort. A fairly substantial one at that.
But if this is to become a reality, God will provide. His will will always be done. We just have to be obedient.