Our community has lost a young man to depression. He took his own life. Since I have been very open about my own struggle with depression people have asked me what depression feels like and why a young man would take his own life because of this illness.
I understand completely why the young man took his own life. Those of us who suffer from this illness know all to well what those depths of despair feel like. The real problem here is understanding. There is not a whole lot of understanding about this illness from those people living with the depressed person. This post is for you.
Depression is not a choice we make. We do not decide one day we will be depressed. For the vast majority of us it is a chemical imbalance in our brain. Our brain needs Serotonin, and reaches for it. We don't have the amount of Serotonin needed. Our brain reaches again, still not enough, brain reaches, not enough, brain reaches, and on and on and on it goes. Each time the brain reaches for this chemical and it's not there, the depression gets a bit worse. And the more depressed a person gets, the more Serotonin the brain needs to pull it out of the depression, so it reaches more and more for the chemical it does not have...And you see where the spiral occurs.
So we have a brain reaching for a chemical it needs to function properly, and that chemical is not there. The brain cannot long function correctly without the proper fuel it needs. And depression will begin to present itself in a variety of ways:
Some people become short tempered and frustrated. They feel lousy and any little thing that is out of the norm will set them off, because it takes extra effort and brain power-which is all being used just to maintain their normal everyday activities. Others will become very emotional, weepy, sad. Again, the chemical missing from their brain is causing all sorts of problems and this is only the beginning. Still others will feel physically ill. This is what I had. I thought I was actually dieing from some horrible disease. My body ached terribly, my headaches were ferocious, I couldn't seem to understand what people were saying to me-unable to concentrate-I couldn't eat, yet gained weight, was tired all the time but couldn't sleep...I felt like I was hit by a bus. I remember looking in the mirror for bruises on my body, because everything hurt and I thought I had fallen down the steps or something...
The pit of despair is a deep one, and the symptoms will only increase as time goes on. The misery and anguish is often compounded by the realization there is nothing to be miserable about. You say things to yourself like: Pull yourself together! Good grief, there's nothing wrong with your life! Why can't you just get yourself together? There is a lot of self loathing going on. Then if family starts saying these same things, the spiral downward becomes a plummet.
Soon you begin feeling like you are drowning in a suffocating mass of anguish. It covers you, clings to you, every movement you make is weighted down by this thick, heavy mass of misery and hopelessness. You struggle to throw it off, but you can barely move beneath it. You can't find your way out. You can see your loved ones on the other side of this thick gray wall and you can't reach them. You're desperate, alone in this prison of misery, you can't find the way out, and you're afraid.
Then the thoughts start coming. My family would be better off without me. I'm just a burden to them. They would be so much happier if I wasn't here causing all these problems...They don't need me, they don't want me, they don't love me-they just put up with me...And those thoughts keep coming, over and over and over. Like a song that's stuck in your head. Until it's not a song, it becomes truth. And you know with absolute certainty that these things are true.
Now, you are utterly miserable, you feel horrible, you are not thinking clearly, your thoughts are disjointed and mixed up, you begin to think things that are not true are absolute truth, you are lonely and scared. Is it such a leap for someone in this mind set to think everyone they love would be better off without them in their life?
It's not such a leap is it?
The important point here is this: If you think you may be suffering from depression-go immediately to your doctor and explain what is going on. There are very effective treatments for depression now and no one should suffer from this very treatable illness. Depression can be deadly. Let's not lose any one else to this wretched disease.
If you have a family member or loved one you think is suffering from depression, please do everything you can to get them help. Remember, they are not thinking clearly. They are thinking through a thick blanket of misery and suffering. Once that blanket of misery is removed and they climb out of the pit, they will be the person they are really meant to be-not the person caught in the horror of depression.
Most people with depression want desperately to be well. They are trying their best to be healthy, regular people. Until their depression is addressed and dealt with, they will never be able to be like healthy, regular people. But there is hope and there is the wonder of happiness and joy in life. Really. I promise. Just make the appointment. Get to the doctor. See a therapist. Work on the issues that are causing you the pain and deal with that stuff. Then move on and enjoy your life!
Hang in there, my darling. I'm proof depression can be dealt with and life can be good following the depths of despair. You can do it too. I have all kinds of faith in you!
I understand completely why the young man took his own life. Those of us who suffer from this illness know all to well what those depths of despair feel like. The real problem here is understanding. There is not a whole lot of understanding about this illness from those people living with the depressed person. This post is for you.
Depression is not a choice we make. We do not decide one day we will be depressed. For the vast majority of us it is a chemical imbalance in our brain. Our brain needs Serotonin, and reaches for it. We don't have the amount of Serotonin needed. Our brain reaches again, still not enough, brain reaches, not enough, brain reaches, and on and on and on it goes. Each time the brain reaches for this chemical and it's not there, the depression gets a bit worse. And the more depressed a person gets, the more Serotonin the brain needs to pull it out of the depression, so it reaches more and more for the chemical it does not have...And you see where the spiral occurs.
So we have a brain reaching for a chemical it needs to function properly, and that chemical is not there. The brain cannot long function correctly without the proper fuel it needs. And depression will begin to present itself in a variety of ways:
Some people become short tempered and frustrated. They feel lousy and any little thing that is out of the norm will set them off, because it takes extra effort and brain power-which is all being used just to maintain their normal everyday activities. Others will become very emotional, weepy, sad. Again, the chemical missing from their brain is causing all sorts of problems and this is only the beginning. Still others will feel physically ill. This is what I had. I thought I was actually dieing from some horrible disease. My body ached terribly, my headaches were ferocious, I couldn't seem to understand what people were saying to me-unable to concentrate-I couldn't eat, yet gained weight, was tired all the time but couldn't sleep...I felt like I was hit by a bus. I remember looking in the mirror for bruises on my body, because everything hurt and I thought I had fallen down the steps or something...
The pit of despair is a deep one, and the symptoms will only increase as time goes on. The misery and anguish is often compounded by the realization there is nothing to be miserable about. You say things to yourself like: Pull yourself together! Good grief, there's nothing wrong with your life! Why can't you just get yourself together? There is a lot of self loathing going on. Then if family starts saying these same things, the spiral downward becomes a plummet.
Soon you begin feeling like you are drowning in a suffocating mass of anguish. It covers you, clings to you, every movement you make is weighted down by this thick, heavy mass of misery and hopelessness. You struggle to throw it off, but you can barely move beneath it. You can't find your way out. You can see your loved ones on the other side of this thick gray wall and you can't reach them. You're desperate, alone in this prison of misery, you can't find the way out, and you're afraid.
Then the thoughts start coming. My family would be better off without me. I'm just a burden to them. They would be so much happier if I wasn't here causing all these problems...They don't need me, they don't want me, they don't love me-they just put up with me...And those thoughts keep coming, over and over and over. Like a song that's stuck in your head. Until it's not a song, it becomes truth. And you know with absolute certainty that these things are true.
Now, you are utterly miserable, you feel horrible, you are not thinking clearly, your thoughts are disjointed and mixed up, you begin to think things that are not true are absolute truth, you are lonely and scared. Is it such a leap for someone in this mind set to think everyone they love would be better off without them in their life?
It's not such a leap is it?
The important point here is this: If you think you may be suffering from depression-go immediately to your doctor and explain what is going on. There are very effective treatments for depression now and no one should suffer from this very treatable illness. Depression can be deadly. Let's not lose any one else to this wretched disease.
If you have a family member or loved one you think is suffering from depression, please do everything you can to get them help. Remember, they are not thinking clearly. They are thinking through a thick blanket of misery and suffering. Once that blanket of misery is removed and they climb out of the pit, they will be the person they are really meant to be-not the person caught in the horror of depression.
Most people with depression want desperately to be well. They are trying their best to be healthy, regular people. Until their depression is addressed and dealt with, they will never be able to be like healthy, regular people. But there is hope and there is the wonder of happiness and joy in life. Really. I promise. Just make the appointment. Get to the doctor. See a therapist. Work on the issues that are causing you the pain and deal with that stuff. Then move on and enjoy your life!
Hang in there, my darling. I'm proof depression can be dealt with and life can be good following the depths of despair. You can do it too. I have all kinds of faith in you!